Much Love and Angel Kisses
by BrookeRocker
Summary: This is my first attempt at an Angst. Reviews much asked for and appreciated. I cried while writing this. Involves character suicide don't like don't read.


_Dear Family and Friends,_

_I'm sorry for all the pain that you are going through. I know it is because of me you are crying. Please don't I'm happier now I know this is not the way ya'll imagined me to go but I couldn't stay here anymore. The pain was too much. I promise I'm much happier I'm not locked in the tortured cell that was my body. I never have to feel disappointment or go through the pain anymore. I promise this is better._

_Mama, I know you are upset at this and I promise I am better off and you are to. You never have to be disappointed in me again. I never meant to disappoint you. I tried to make you proud. I wanted to be everything you imagined I could be, but I couldn't do it and the disappointment you had was motivation that I had to make it far in this business, but it wasn't enough. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that this is the way you had to find me. I know but Mama despite everything I love you and I will make sure you have your spot up here I know it belongs to you for dealing with me all these years_

_Daddy, I'm sorry I disappointed you as well. I know you were never happy with how I handled myself in this business but I had to do what I had to do to get somewhere I was hoping all my accomplishments could make you forget that but I guess it just wasn't enough. I promise I tried Daddy I tried. I tried to carry the family name as well as I could but I guess I couldn't do it as well as Bubby. I love you Daddy and I will always be your little girl and I swear I will have you a spot as well._

_Teddy, Bubby please don't cry for me I promise there was nothing you could do to help me. If there was you would have been the first person to know. There was no saving me though all the pain and torture I went through was just too much for one girl to go through. I tried to be as good as you to get out from under your spotlight but you were just too good. I love you though Bubby and I don't resent you for it so please doesn't think that I do. I love you and I hope I get to see you here but not soon I love you too much for you to join me yet._

_Cody, my Codeman you knew me better than anybody else in this world. I know you are thinking no I didn't for not seeing this but Code nobody saw this I fought with this for so long nobody knew and I learned to hide it. I love you Cody and thank you for protecting me all those years. I promise you, you will get over me and you will find a new best friend and they will be a much better friend than I could ever be. I hope to see you up here I think you will like it._

_Maria, darling you were the best girlfriend I could ever have. You were there for everything with me. All my ups and downs and everything in between, I am in debt to you for introducing me to Randy, without you I never would have felt real love. I only ask one favor; please take care of Sophia for me, if there is any woman in this world I want her to be like it would be you. Teach her everything you know and help her turn into the beautiful woman I know she will be, and I promise I will have a few hot guys waiting for you and they will be the lucky ones._

_Randy, baby I promise you had nothing to do with this. I love you with everything that I had but all my love for you couldn't replace the pain that I felt all through these years. I appreciate you and love you for loving such a screw up like me. I know I was difficult and a pain in the butt but I didn't know what love like that could feel like and I promise you Randy it was beautiful and pure and amazing and everything that I couldn't be. I'm sorry you have to feel this pain because of me and raise our baby by yourself but I couldn't be a sick twisted and demented mother. Our baby deserved better than me. Please take care of her and tell her about me when the time is right but don't tell her about my depressing times. I love her to much for her to know how wrong I was for her. She doesn't deserve the pain that I went through. I love you baby and I hope you join me here but please wait a long time to join me our baby is going to need you._

_Last but certainly not least Sophia Michelle, baby I know you are too young to understand this and I promise you in due time it will all make sense. I love you so much darling and I'm sorry I can't be there to help you with boy troubles, or to have girl days, or to get dressed for you proms, see you graduate, or get married, but I promise I will be watching from above wishing that I could be here to see it. I love you baby and I hope you turn out exactly like your daddy he is perfect in every way possible. I love you sweetie with everything I have._

_I'm sorry again for making you cry, but please don't I'm not worth it. I promise I will watch over every single one of you. I love you guys and take care of each other ya'll are too beautiful of a family to be destroyed over something which ya'll couldn't help. I know I said this earlier but I promise I'm not feeling any pain and I am better off I love you guys and I'm sorry. So please don't follow me tonight, and while I'm gone I promise everything will be alright_

_Much love and angel kisses,_

_Alanna Brooke DiBiase_

I wipe a few tears from my eyes as I kiss the letter and then fold it. I know this is what I have to do. There is just too much pain; the voices that rack my mind are driving me insane. I have to end it there is nothing else for me to do and there is no way I can stop it. I wipe a few more tears from my eyes and I grab the handful of pills and take them. I lay back on the bed and I feel the pills kick in. Everything starts to feel better I can feel my body becoming lighter. Soon the blackness envelopes me and I whisper my last goodbyes and I love you as I slip into the black to never return again with a small smile on my face for now I know I will never feel anymore pain.


End file.
